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by StupidWizard
Summary: Twilight meets a famous author. Warning: Some strong language
1. Chapter 1

Blood ran through the streets of Ponyville, between the cracks emerging from hell itself. The roars of the space vampires filled the air intermixed with the screams of innocent foals and fillies. Rainbow Dash duck taped katanas to her wings, flying through the air killing all the space vampires, removing their heads then cutting apart the clouds to expose the ever powerful sun. Then a large thud. Spike had stomped his massive foot on a platoon of Plasma Ninjas, his claws sunk into their torso making them explode with the fury of a thousand super novas. He laughed with such glee as their flesh was thrown towards his face. He then turned to his master, the ever powerful queen of the saw, Twilight Sparkle. She spat out the remains of the space vampires, they tasted like chicken. She had the smile of a cat on cocaine.

"Twilight", said the her pet dragon. "Are they good enough for dragons to eat". She was bored by his voice, his words. She wrote with quill to kill all of his kind remaining in the realm. The words were finely crafted, but they weren't words because the letters were made out of AK-47's for Tyrannosaurus head raping virgins of the greek myths. The vampire ninja lord was getting tired of the battle. He raised up his giant robotic hand made out of motorcycles and crushed the sun. His laughter has loud, loud enough that we can still hear to this very day, boys and girls. You better believe it. What's that? How come the sun is still up? Foolish child! That is another sun, our second one. The eclipse surprised Twilight and her pet dragon. Ice quickly froze over the spilled blood and Plasma Ninja corpses. Twilight went searching around on her robotic skeletal eagle to find the cause of it. While searching the vampire lord's hand circled over her.

"Twilight, watch out!", quickly shouted her minion. She moved faster than the speed of light, seeing through all of space and time, finding the vampire lord's weakness other than the sun. She casted a spell lifting her massive minion into the air, using him like a baseball bat. Flying into space the vampire flew back into the atmosphere his fleshed boiled, his screaming being heard on the mountains of the realm of the gods. He crashed, creating a portal to hell where Satan and his lover raped him for the rest of time. The survivors cheered for the great deeds that Twilight had achieved. The famous Portsmouth Sinfonia played as the mighty second sun was risen, farting out of a black hole.

But Twilight remember the images from breaking the laws of time and space. She saw her self causing the end and she knew that must be true. There can be no other answer to it. Twilight drew out her sword, Skullfucker, a sword that Satan himself feared. Forged by the ancients and banished to another dimension where all that was blackness, yet sound. Sound that called out Twilight's name. She cut Spike's head off causing a blinding to be unleashed from his neck, a large quickening happened killing all the dragon's and giving Twilight the ultimate power. But then, even when the Beatles sang Iron Maiden, the newest threat emerged. The giant muffins from Pinkie Pie's asylum! Yes, children, there was in fact giant evil muffins. Can't you see that giant statue of your grandfather slaying one in battle? T'was not this battle, t'was one afterwards. The battle of three thousand armies, yes that was what it was called. But now to the first muffin war.

For years the madmare Pinkie Pie took innocent mares and stallions are transformed them into the giant muffin soldiers. For years she forced them to mate, generations of them lived underground perfecting their plan for universal domination. The asylum grew too small to carry an army of billions. She had finally announced to conquer after the vampire ninja invasion. Thousand and million marched out of the tunnels chanting ancient satanic lyrics which I shall not utter here. What do you mean I've said fouler things? Well, I don't remember what happened I wasn't born yet. Now back to my story, scratch that it's our story. The muffin attack was sudden. Pony John Lennon picked up a machine gun and mauling down thousands of muffins. Ringo and George threw chainsaws using a slingshot, and finally Paul sang such a high pitch note three thousand and a four muffins' heads imploded. Twilight rode on her robot bat calling betrayal at the one known as Pinkie Pie, the master of evil. Upon meeting in battle Pinkie Pie taunted Twilight. "You really believed that I was sane? Did you think that in your heart that was like all the rest of this damned world?"

Twilight withdrew Skullfucker and cried, "Pinkie! I loved you with a thousand suns!" With anger she charged into battle, flying to the air the same time as her opponent. Their swords clashed causing a super nova. It knocked them a million miles apart. The supernova was so large that made Mars explode, Saturn loves BDSM so Saturn had orgasm to death. What's an orgasm? Well, maybe I've gone too far with the story. No, I'm not going to tell you! Anyhow, Pinkie stood on top of Twilight, raising her muffin blood covered sword skyward to remove her former friend's head. But then a mighty warrior severed her hands from her body. Who was this warrior, you may ask? It was The Doctor, of course! Pinkie Pie then exploded into what she always wanted to be, a muffin. Thousands of muffins flew into space and when returning to the earth it burning to coal! Two battles within three hours, it was an incredible celebration. The Beatles and ELO rocked the housed with Freddie Mercury as the lead vocals. When on arrival Twilight Sparkle said these words, "Doctor, you are the greatest warrior I have ever seen. Will you join me in eternal living?". The Doctor had to yes, he didn't want to loose his head.

THE END, for now children. Now go to bed!


	2. Chapter 2

The smell of grease filled the air, as it was flung at the invading muffin army. This time they had sought out revenge for the death of their master, Pinkie Pie of the Darkmeal, at the hands of The Doctor. Their roar was the loudest ever uttered by any creature to live. Their teeth sharp, their eyes glowing blood red. Red, for vengeance! They chanted in their satanic tongue "The Doctor must die!" over and over again. Meanwhile Twilight and The Doctor lived in Cloudsdale. But it was covered in lava and the streets of cobblestone were replaced by human skulls. They were the happiest warriors could be. But then the muffins flew up. This time they had wings. The muffins had mated with the Space Vampire Plasma Ninjas to create the ultimate pony killing race. The laughter of the muffins filled the air, the boiling hot grease did nothing. Twilight scoffed. "You are at your weak point, you muffins!" They responded by blocking the sun light so only they can see using their night vision goggles. None of the ponies of Cloudsdale had them, so due to their faults many were swallowed whole by the Vampire Muffins. Millions of souls screamed for mercy, Twilight with drew Skullfucker once more to stop the evil from invading the happiness that she had lived in for the past nine thousand years. Skullfucker screamed for blood causing the flesh of the vampires to boil in another dimension making it smell like chicken wings. What do you mean you can't smell chicken? I know you're allergic to chicken but you can't even smell it?! And I call you my son.

Anyhow, the fearful muffins were the first of millions to die. The Doctor brought his TARDIS, but it didn't travel through time it was a laser sword that shot buck shot out its handle. Both of the two great warriors kill millions, destroying the clouds to expose the vampire muffins to their great weakness. They should have never tried to attack the sky, t'was a mistake of theirs seeing how the two mightiest warriors had lived their. They had disintegrated into to the air, their organs becoming nothing but vapour. And at the end of it all The Doctor and Twilight smacked together their mucus cover lips together.

THE END, for now. Why aren't you in bed yet?!


	3. Chapter 3

Note: I took some inspiration from my friend Alex's fanfic crossover of Zelda and Twilight, no not the pony.

Okay, ready for another story, kids? No? Well, too bad! It was an uncounted number of years later. Twilight and The Doctor had many children who trained to become the greatest warrior slayers in history being of course trained by Ra's Al Ghul. Peace in Equestria lasted for many of thousand trillion years, but then it could not last. A port of space and time opened up. It sucked in many thousand of ponies, some leading to death others to live forever as monkeys. Through all of the chaos Nazi came loose. They fired bullets engraved with an image of their robot overlord, Adolf Hitler. Their MP40's did not scare Twilight and her offspring. Ra's was ever scared especially with Bane by his side. The great warriors withdrew their mighty swords, jagged swords made from titanium and elf blood.

All of The Doctor and Twilight's children had swords made from guitars with lasers shooting out of each side, melting the flesh of their Nazi enemies. "Mein leben", all the cowardly Nazis yelled as the swords removed their heads from their bodies, their blood covered bodies vaporizing into the air so they can fuel their robotic overlord. When all the blood filled the streets of Canterlot the evil robotic overlord came forth to taught Twilight.

"Greetings, my little fucklings", he said in his strong accent, sounding like the vampire plasma lord. "You sound familiar, robot." He laughed loudly, the evil sound can still be heard to this very day, children.

"Why, yes, I do, little failure", he responded with an evil smile that as I can recall stretch for miles. Yes, I was there. Don't question me, small one. "I am the child of the plasma king and the pie of Darkmeal". A shocked looked appear on all of their face, except for Bane we couldn't tell. He lifted up his fist, which was made out of steel plated dragons breathing green fire, to smash his ancients enemies. But then an arrow went through his neck. The robot overlord vomited all of his organics and fell dead.

"Who shot the arrow?", The Doctor questioned with his deep voice. Then they saw who shot the overlord. He was wearing a tweed suit smoking a pipe.

"Hello, I am J.R.R. Tolkien", the man said. "I have fought Nazis traveling through for many centuries" They were baffled by his non equine appearance. He removed his pipe and spat out a skull branded with a swastika. "I'll be going now", he announced. The man left and the group was confused for many centuries.

There you go, another story. Wait, hold on. You're gonna call your dad if I tell you another story? No, you won't! Go to bed!


	4. Chapter 4

Okay, kids, the doctors and _your _uncle said that I'm fit to tell you all a good story now. Where was I? Oh, yes! It was a few minutes after the Nazi robot attack. The smell of Aryan blood filled the air and Tolkien's sudden appearance forever changed our world forever, even more than muffins. Humans were now well known to us ponies prompting us to create conflict. The great Human-Pony War lasted-Wait, where the hell are you going? You're getting your uncle again? Fine then I'll be done by the he shows up. Wait, don't get your mom and dad! Alright, we'll continue. The humans were no match for Twilight Sparkle, she had thousands of chainsaw wielding soldiers at her every command. They weren't normal soldiers, they were skeleton warriors created by Doctor Frankenstein under threat that he may never see his precious Twinkies again. The very fire in their eyes made the futuristic human soldiers cower in fear, filling their pants with "fear". Even the human's mega M16s couldn't penetrate Twilight's thick titanium armor itched with the symbol of the joy of pain. Thousand lay waste to Twilight's slaughter and-Oh, hi, Twilight. No, I'm telling your friend's kids a weird story I made up. I'm not a stalker, more like a fan. Wait, who are they? Guards? Wait! Let me go! I'm not creepy! Wait! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wizard's note: I think I'll end it hear. I am kind of sort of bored right now. Maybe I'll write more about the story teller in **THE FUTURE**


End file.
